the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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