What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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