He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
