margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
