I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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