i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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