My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
