I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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