His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
