i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
