then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
