Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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