She is in my trunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
