I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
