He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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