lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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