I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
