I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
