Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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