Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
