I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
