He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
