hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
