dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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