Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As shirtless as possible
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
