I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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