how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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