am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My penis needs a shock collar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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