He is an equal opportunity slut.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
