Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
