you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
