I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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