I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Randomize
