wakey wakey hands off snakey
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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