question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
