My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
