Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have fence marks all over my body
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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