But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
