I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
