I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
