At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
