'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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