GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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