Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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