i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
