You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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