The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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