Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
