I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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