Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
