This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
one might say we're banned from that church
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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