i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
