all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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